1. |
the last hurrah !!
01:48
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|
teenage daydream, rock + roll nightmare
my sweaty hands, my unwashed hair
will not define me for much longer
i’ll have to turn out like my father
teenage nostalgist, dumb teenager
tissue box fantasy come-up-with-er
these fantasies are not mine
suppose i’ll come of age some other time
+ when i see u in the mirror
i try not to look back
not anymore
teenage nighttime, goodnight teenager
get some sleep, don’t be a stranger
don’t go to those parties anymore
don’t act so emotional anymore
teenage boy, girl teenager
be whatever u want teenager
just be
ur only 19
[oh god i’m 19 x1000]
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2. |
starfucker ! - demo
03:35
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|
starfucker !
won’t u come + merger with my galaxy, i want u here, w/ me
[star]fucker !
my heart strings only play these chords for u
starfucker !
feels like years since the stars last lined up for us
starfucker !
won’t u be my boy, wont be my girl, wont be my ????
last night i lied in bed, + i said that the moon was enough for me [oh what a fantasy]
i rolled over + looked at my laptop screen + i saw myself in it !!
starfucker, oh please save me, oh, dreamscape-rescue, these constellations are for u
[don’t go to those parties anymore]
starfucker !
won’t u come + merger with my galaxy, i want u here, w/ me
[star]fucker !
don’t u know my heart strings only play these chords for u ?
starfucker !
feels like years since the stars last lined up for us
starfucker !
won’t u be my boy, wont be my girl, wont be my ????
i’ve been stargazing every evening, supine, eyes glued to the ceiling
it’s cold in my room, when ur not here
i feel the cold embrace of space, but ur shining, oh but ur shining down on me
i’ll repeat these words forever, saying the same thing over + over till u supernova
starfucker !
won’t u come + merger with my galaxy, i want u here, w/ me
[star]fucker !
my heart strings only play these chords for u
starfucker !
feels like years since the stars last lined up for us
starfucker !
won’t u be my boy, wont be my girl, wont be my ????
starfucker !
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3. |
tissue box fantasy
01:23
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|
i just grabbed the tissue box
but i’ve already used up all of the tissues !!
[no tissues left, he’s used all of the tissues, more words, create more issues]
i’ll have to start ripping up my books :(
taint the pages, taint those famous phrases
[ink running down the pages, black on white, white on black]
+ now my emotions are tangible, oh !
[feel ur feelings, catch ur feelings !]
liquid pours from out of my hands….
but look at me now, i’m in a band !!!!!!!!
[play a guitar not with urself]
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4. |
||||
|
i can feel it in my bones
i can’t wait to be left alone
don’t u know our bodies are falling apart ?
don’t u know how i feel, down deep, right down in my heart ??
bc i try to be oh so pretty, for u
climb up the pitches, climb into my arms
feeling + seeing, they’re just the hardest part
midnight, moon shines bright, nothings clear
i have no clothes, i have nothing to wear
my skin isn’t mine, oh, how i wish it was urs
there’s music, coming from the stereo, there’s music, ur speaking music, ur shuffling around, that’s music,
music everywhere, u know ?
+, for me at least, it’s just about being able to let that, sort of wash over u, + then suddenly,
everything’s ok - u don’t need to worry about being a boy anymore, ur just, being.
that’s pretty much it
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5. |
||||
|
sitting on a neck [yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah !!]
it’s a cold necklace !
shines green + blue
forever
woo!
if my neck had a necklace like wren
i’d never go missing
because it shines so bright [like a necklace]
that necklace is fading
bc it’s so cheap
from home bargains !!!!
now i am a necklace, yeah, yeah !!!!!!!!
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6. |
under my old jumper
00:50
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|
[instrumental / discussion]
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7. |
queerbait
03:07
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|
well i bet you’d like to know what’s happened in my body since you left me
[you’ve been keeping track, wondering where my skin’s been at]
well i bet you’d like to know what’s under my old shirt, come + touch me
[my jumper on the floor, just ask me, i can give you more]
there’s glitter in my lungs, and there’s god in my guts, but i bleed
[blood in my heart, blood in my hair, blood flowing everywhere]
could you take me apart ? + sew some lace around my heart? don’t hurt me
[i’ll be your best in show, the queerbait u cast looking for…]
what do u want from me ?
i don’t know why it’s so hard to breathe
my body parts are free
under my bedsheet
skin exploding, touching me
what do u see ?
i’m ur queerbait, i’m your, whatever u want me to be
[no jumper anymore, jumper on the floor]
was just going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere bad for me
[my body’s happening to me + i don’t know what i’m doing, doing, doing]
nothing going wrong it never felt so right to be, to be, to be
[i keep playing these chords the same way, over + over + over + over, fucking over]
yeah, yeah !
[sincerity works til it’s embarrassing]
i’m not your plaything anymore
[metaphor works until u don’t know how to feel again]
[not dancing anymore]
come + fuck me so hard right here on the floor
[not dancing anymore, no, no]
hate u 100 times
+ i still take ur shit
can u stop? can u just stop??
[i’m going back]
can u stop! can u just stop!!
stop
[do u see me, do u want to see underneath my clothes?]
stop
ur knife is in my gut
ur knife is in my gut
[let me be ur bitch]
can u stop !? can u just stop !?!?
[or just leave me, or just leave me, it’s not worth it]
+ i don’t wanna drown in blood
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8. |
||||
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i don’t know u
but i’d like to
sitting in the passenger
looking past the radio
do i love u ?
well, maybe i do
gazing thru my computer screen
resting my eyes
winter turns to spring
+ then its summertime
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9. |
||||
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i just opened my 7th wikipedia tab of the night
i have 7 songs written + they all add up to 12 minutes
i’ll never write an album more than 25 minutes
my soul adds up to a total of 74 minutes
i’ve been busy painting u a portrait
guitar + vocals, oh, what a portrait !!
there are no drums in this song
i do not wish to learn garageband for macos 12.6
or any version for that matter !!!!
i am 20 years old + i have no idea what i am doing
i am 20 years old + i have no idea what i am doing !!!!!!!!
20 years old, still sat in my room, still writing these songs, still playing these chords
+ they’re all for u !!
they’re all for u !!!!!!!
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10. |
||||
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+ i ask u
+ i let ur eyes light me up
heat my cheeks
+ we walk [quietly] to the river
because i know u hate it when i speak
+ then i hate it too
the dirt hot beneath ur feet
+ u didn’t wear shoes
so neither did i
+ when i put my bleeding feet into the water
i let myself leak out onto u
imagined it staining u red
+ the sun lights up ur teeth that i slip backwards + my nose fills with water
+ my eyes fill with sun
+ u hold ur foot over my throat a little
+ i stand beside u + watch my face turn blue
+ i want to know what my body looks like in ur arms when u pull me from the river
i hope u pull me from the river
but ur cold
+ u feel cold + it would be hard so i don’t know
if ur hands would push or pull on my purple fingertips
+ i wish my hands were as wide as urs
my shoulders as broad
u have enough room to live there + i think
i could live there too
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11. |
21st century thing
03:24
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‘no one is more autumn than u’
+ other assorted confessions of love
i think that was the first page of the book
‘hold me, + i’ll hold u’, she said
as we fell from the 19th floor
days after the fireworks, the rain still hits my window
+ october was so long ago
but i’ll see u, i’ll see u tomorrow
‘thinking about u isn’t enough’
everything is making me feel
oh so much
‘u’ve got great hips
i’ve been shaking, ever since’
i can’t ????
my guts are all in a knot, tied around my heart
+ this feels like, this feels like the hardest part
computer games on my computer screen
doing nothing all day, just living the dream
not thinking about, not thinking
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12. |
||||
|
can i be the john cale to ur lou reed ?
we’ll write all of our greatest hits, +, then u can kick me out of the band
+ i want a face like that
how long until u stop listening ?
to my maybe-faux-lofi, fantasist, teenage, transgender, self-deprications ??
+ i wanna be like that
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13. |
one month !!
01:44
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[this is a song about a month]
one month til i see u
[it’s one month !]
28, 29, 30, 31, + it’s one month
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14. |
||||
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there’s a pit in my stomach
+ i keep having to breath hard for u
for u
feel ur presence near
when i close my eyes i see u there beside me
i hate feeling like this
but the pain is so sweet, i can’t resist
i’d rather hurt than not feel at all
ur worth it, oh ur worth it all
i’ll lay here + wait
to be in ur arms again
i’ll dream at night of ur nose on mine
i think about u all the time
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15. |
lots to think about
01:07
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the sign asks, as it does every morning, if i’ve ever been down
i search for wisdom where i can
on every wall in town
in pavement lyrics, fortune cookies
the palm of my mothers hand
it’s me + u in the mirror
+ for a second we’re alright
i see the hoodie bleaching from the light
the jumper sweating in the dark
we can stitch over the rips we caused
threads, bandages + post-it notes
allowing something beautiful
patchworks to hang on the wall
paint cracks + i wish you’d choose
to keep some of u to urself
more words left on the shelf
how my diaries line mine
i used to cry in the mornings but now it seems to be at night
emotional high to emotional hangover
that’s nursed by solar light
we’ll sleep again when we’re dead
in the bed u made from sleeping in
sheets crumpled
as u hid from morning sunlight creeping in
i’ve only spoken to myself all day
i don’t dare open the door
i skim through those old diaries
pick clothes off my floor
for a second i think i found it
the wisdom i was searching for
i let the sun become the moon
then i sit down and think some more
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16. |
august - demo
03:58
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it’s 38 degrees + my shirt’s melting off
oh meet me at the coffee shop, give it 2 months + i’ll tell u to stop
i shot my man in the head, in august !
blood poured out, my man dropped dead, in august !!
summer’s so overrated, i think i’m starting to hate it [i think i love it]
i don’t know what i’m doing, won’t u show me what to do
forget about the future, only these late nights matter, i’ve never even heard of september
next thing u know i’m sobbing into ur shoulder, while bcnr reminds us of how sad we are
cause u shot ur man in the head in august !
tears streamed down, ur man dropped dead, in august !!
my carpet stained red by the bloodshed
bought a new rug, just to cover it up
i’ll try to ignore it, i’ll try to pretend that it isn’t there
take a picture, take a souvenir !
let everybody investigating know that ur here !!
liquid pouring out of my head, this shirt is ruined
last august meant so much to me
i washed the blood out of ur shirt in the sea
i’d ignored it for so long, but now that i think about it, i can practically taste the salt water, u know ? the seaweed is grabbing at my ankles, i can’t even see my feet anymore, the sand’s swallowed those up, + the sun’s so hot. the sun, man, i’m telling u, it was like nothing i’d ever felt before. i was just a kid, u know, + this sun, this sun was just beating down on me, but the water was so cool, so it didn’t matter. i mean even on a night it didn’t cool down, it was relentless. just getting through those couple of days was a task, u know let alone thinking a few months ahead. a few months, man, that was it, u know. a month’ll ruin u if u give it the chance
cause u shot ur man in the head last august !!
cause i shot my man in the head last august !!!!
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17. |
i wish i was a girl
00:42
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oh how i wish i was a boy, oh how i wish i was a girl
oh, to have pigtails, oh to wear diamonds + pearls
how i wish i was stronger, how i wish i was smarter, oh how i wish i was anything else
oh how i wish i was a girl
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18. |
||||
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i rub my jaw after i masturbate
on my way to the bathroom i avoid every mirror
always close ur tabs, u don’t want anyone else to see that
[not even u wanted to see that]
sex is just a fantasy, played out between u + me
i’ve seen 1000000 naked bodies in my time
but none of them looked like mine
typing the word ‘intimate’ into the pornhub search bar
[i’m being ironic]
i would cry 1000 times, if only this body were mine
i don’t think i can get naked anymore
all these moving parts, all these limbs
i’ll take a shower, only when the steam clogs up the mirror
i don’t want to see my genetalia
i can’t be what u want, i don’t have the tools
but i can do whatever u want me to
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19. |
reprise !!
01:43
|
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|
[instrumental / widely unintelligible]
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20. |
thought//song - demo
02:56
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i can never take my shirt off when i masturbate
i only say these words in an ironic way to self-depricate
when i feel my body
when i feel my body
oh what’s this desire ? will it eradicate ?? will it get rid of my thought ?!
oh, what can i do about this thought ?!?!
i’ve only ever been called a faggot once, i was walking home from school
since i got headphones, no one calls me names, i am so cool !!!!
i worry i’m not gay enough, i worry i’m not girl enough
is my boy too much for u ? do u see it ?? oh, do u see my thought ?!
i can be whatever u want me to be, just help me get rid of this thought !!
thought complete me
thought tell me what to do
thought be here, hold me
oh, thought, don’t be so blue !!
thought goes away whenever i know that it doesn’t matter anymore
cmon man, what’d u say that for ? oh, how i love u, thought
oh, what would i be without u, thought ?
i need u, please don’t leave me thought !!!!
i love u, i love u, oh thought !
thought !!
thought !!!!
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21. |
cat//song
00:55
|
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[cat’s chorus / grace’s verdict]
|
||||
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